Cinta tapi benci

I was looking at some of my friends’ pictures on fb. Budak budak UK. Teringat pulak zaman dulu. I wonder what life would be had I stayed and worked overthere.

The first year kat UK, I still felt like an outsider. Lagi lagi kota Bristol yang penuh ngan mat salleh, duduk kat kawasan mat salleh, surrounded by mat salleh friends, I was the only one yang bertudung dalam the whole batch. Rasa janggal, tak reti nak bukak topic bersembang. Dalam kelas, I struggled to understand their jokes and they struggled to understand my accent. I turned down invitations to go out with them, nanti awkward so might as well just save the trouble.

Mat Salleh ni bukan senang nak berkawan. They won’t make the first move. We have to make all the efforts. Kalau tak, they just shut you out. If you are they only coloured girl in a group of 30 mat sallehs, you don’t really have a choice.

Tapi after a few years, I was a stranger no more, Bristol WAS my home. I felt belonged. Dah banyak kawan, slang pun dah berubah. I went out with them at nights, but leave before they get drunk. I got along well with doctors and patients (siap kena ngorat dengan specialist!), received wedding invitations, got invited to parties…I was finally having fun fitting in.

But back then, I missed home all the time. And for that I struggled. I missed my parents, my siblings, my boyfriend, my friends.

I missed Malaysia so much that I hated Bristol.

Now that I’m in Malaysia, I’m missing Bristol.

I miss the rain. I miss my winter clothes. I miss the train. I miss the food. I miss cheese. I miss Kak Myra. I miss Ciman. I miss Jonet and Shu.I miss my warm boots. I even miss the freakin' S*insbury's!

Bristol to me is like a love-hate relationship. Can’t live with it, can’t live without it.

I love my husband and I love my family. I love every minute I’m spending in Malaysia. No regrets there. Yet I can’t help myself from wondering, did I leave too soon?

Terserius pulak entry kali ni. Padahal baru lepas tengok Raja Lawak

I miss you Jek and Na

Love,
Kekla

pss: rasa rindu kat UK ni datang sekali sekala ja. Usually bila tengok gambar gambar UK. Tapi bila Bude balik semua feeling ni akan pergi. He makes the scale tips heavily towards loving Malaysia :)